Saturday, June 27, 2015
The Notion of Having a Real Good Family
Enthusiastically, cunningly and without remorse, she threw her fiancé's gift to her in the water. She felt he had betrayed her, and that she couldn't forgive him without there being an enthusiasm about having another man seem to be much more suitable for her. Upon humiliating with that, she could probably feel that the old relationship was not totally regrettable.
“I wonder,” she asked herself, “why I suppose I am the woman to be had at the same time as hating that man for feeling that about himself! But somehow,” she continued pondering, it wasn't true that he could possibly have been anything but a fake with her! This was so since she didn't seem to fit in, in situations where he seemed at home and at ease with faking that his assets where of much better quality than hers had been!
As she kept thinking about it, she said to herself that “I have no lust for the type of fellow who will cheat on me, even though I feel very much like cheating myself!” Even so, somehow, she threw herself enthusiastically into the kind of contexts where it wasn't allowed to be a cheater, just because she wanted to seem to be much better than him at not cheating, and thus win the confidence from the next guy to cheat with!
“I feel that I myself have an imbecile in me, for being the moron who enthusiastically pretends to be a none-cheater, while all my friends are cheaters, and keep on humiliating me as though I were the moron who should be treated as though there were no competences in me to see to my own good as were it an asset for others as well as the closest among my friends and other acquaintances!”
Thereby, she stood now, at the embankment's deep-water stretch, having thrown her engagement ring into the water. “I will now, from here on, never again feel tha the would be the guy to marry! I will never again feel that he would be my husband had he tried for eternity to become it! I will thereby erase his memory for all but the sore attitude I'll have about him forever, from now on!”
As she stood there, she sensed someone walking up beside her. She turned around and saw her brother. She looked him in the eyes and said: “You shouldn't have come here! No matter why you followed me here, you must tell me why you think what I'm doing is any of your business!”
“I followed you here because I wanted to make certain that you felt like saying something aobut what the engagement seemed to lead up to!”
“I felt that it led up to nothing but the type of nonsense about marriage that there is to a guy with no predicaments of feeling that we should be a couple forever after!”
“Then how come you stand still and seem to be pondering on what went wrong between you?!”
“I'm not pondering on what went wrong! I'm pondering on why I've become this half-ass bitch who doesn't care to be responded to by anyone but those who are against me in the sense that they don't care for morals and standards that I had when I grew up!”
“Then I don't care to find you to be anything but a nuisance for the friend of mine you were engaged to!”
“Then stop telling me that I should be the one to listen to you! Because I don't have anything here but the man I will regret that I ever came close, even, to marrying!”
“But why do you pretend he is the guilty one! He is nothing but the same sort that you are! You and he both cheat on each other! Both of you hate each other for it! And thereby you and he shall be forever bound by taht your engagement was of mutual contentment about the other partner suffering from that!”
She turned towards him. “What do you mean by that I shall be seen as nearly, even, the same as that man! It's he, and it isn't I, who ruined the marriage plans by cheating so that I could feel so bad about him!”
“He felt just about the same about you, sis, and thereby I proclaim the two of you to be just about as alike as all that! Moreover I shall soon enough be into serious business with him as a partner! I will not let you feel that I have a bad partner for all of that! It's you who are the mediocre spouse who tells herself not to be into seeming, even, to be loyal, and now that I have him as a partner, I will harass you about it, until you seem loyal to him - and thereby me as well!”
“I will not permit that you and he enter that partnership! I will not allow the wtwo of you to pretend I haven't fatally had it in him to cheat so bad that he doesn't seem fit for even being a business partner!”
“Then what about you and that business partner you had in Mark, who was my partner in bed for about two weeks?! I mean he was also a cheater who didn't seem to realize it wasn't too good to have fairly many others, while pretending to be with only me!”
“I don't agree with that that is at all alike! It isn't me who was into a le3sbian relationship in the first place! It is into gay and lesbian to be into a multitude of partners and you know that! Besides, I'm not bedding my new one until we have an engagement ring each, and so that's final about those dirty hook-ups of yours!”
“My liaisons and so forth are not to be seen as that dirty! We feel connected to one another in ways that cultivates essentials of togetherness! We don't just run around and feel for each other that tehre is some dirty story to be had here and now!”
“Then why do you feel that my ex-fiancé is anything but a dirty bastard?! And then why do you seem to be into relationships with them as though they were buddies and not the kinds of partners one should really take seriously?!”
“It's because I and my partners usually feel that it's outside a relationship that it should be, that stuff about trying to be faithful and to simple-mindedly pretend that everyone is evil who tries to stop whatever phoney obligations and stuff one is into when one deals with the so-called marriage or, like you, that very phoney status of being into that marriage should be!”
“Then how come you don't chose few partners for the sake of committing yourselves to each other?! There must be enough partners out there for you to commit yourselves to, even without there also being commitments on the side!”
“No! Whatever partner I chose must be committed to me, well enough for me to feel that I can be certain about her or him without that meaning that we should be into that relations on the side are too bad to have!”
“Then why do you feel that I have not thrown my engagement ring over the dock for the sake of pretending as if something about the way the see it when we are into a relationship of so-called status of being faithful and stuff?! How come you keep on nagging me as though there wasn't any commitment to be real about things, so that neither would be unfaithful and neither would be disloyal - in any other sense, either!”
“I say to you that there's no commitment on his side that isn't into the weird notions of pretension that he was forced to be into for the sake of keeping you satisfied. But that's just because of your faking attitudes that he had to have that pretension!”
“Then I will from now one never again speak to you as my brother! It is not a family that it should be to speak to one's sister as though she didn't have any commitment on his side!”
“I will from here on, then, see you as my idiot sister who doesn't pertain to morals, nor standards about living that are real about relationships being loosely held and thereby smart at willingness to admit one's problems with each other!”
“I feel as though you have embarrassed this family that I grew up with so much that we don't have anything left to say to each other! From here on you shall not be my brother and I shall not again speak to you as though you were!”
With that she left him where he stood, and went home to their parents and began to cry to their mother about him. She asked her to forgive him just the same, but she couldn't. Thereby she asked him to move our, as soon as he came back. But he didn't. Instead, she moved to another town and told everyone there that her brother was a man to ruin every family relationship that he got to have anything to do with.
“Forever after I shall be with me and my own family of friends! I have no family that are of that biological context that my mother has it is so trustworthy!” she though for herself, two years later, and committed suicide.