Wednesday, April 6, 2016
A Convincing Woman of Sending-to-Coventry Bullying
“Ohh, I'm so sorry about it” she whimpered. It was almost an insult for him to hear her of all people say it. It was an insult against not only himself, but also against the people who really could be whimpering like that about their own lack conscience. Cause somehow this woman was impossible as what she very much seemed to be by behaving this way, namely someone who deep inside cared. It was not she, Freddie knew, who really cared, because she had fooled the others into having the kind of an attitude he had been complaining about.
It was moreover almost impossible, also, that all of the others had a conscience about it, he felt, since they were all more or less taking part in letting her be their representative. She whined on about how she still cared, and how the others had tricked her into not caring. Meanwhile all of the others, or so it seemed, felt sorry for her. Even so, Freddie knew that Suzanne had lied. She had no real conscience whatsoever about him. Nor could he believe he had much of a conscience about all of the others - except, that is, a slight conscience about their evil sides. This conscience she really learned to whine about as though she was innocent, he thought for himself.
It had been a severe blackmail against all his efforts had been about. It had been and was still a destructive smartness against there seeming to be any good enough effort in him, even though he had struggled and worked on being thorough so much more about this than both his own usual efforts - in for example school - and the efforts others made for establishing the reality of life be real and not pretend benefits for all. This she had blackmailed by seeming innocent when she reasoned as if they - the others - suffered because of Freddie. Recently though, someone had come up with that they actually were wrong in distrusting Fred. But then the whining of the guilty woman herself made mockery of the potential happiness Freddie could have about it!
Peter looked at Suzanne and said: “We are all just grateful to be here when it seems to be us that everyone should be triumphing about as good friends! I think even that weird old Freddie should be seen as a friend sometimes! How about I see to it that he finds us to be good friends just for once!?”
“I suppose you can do it!” Suzanne answered. “But I also suppose you will pretend that it's I and not you who is the guilty one about all this! Therefore you should not speak to the man! It is important that none of us tries to blackmail the other! Remember that Peter! That is the code of essence in being innocent for all that there is to it - and to this world - and about Christ!” she stated.
Freddie looked at them speaking. “I have no reason to like either one of them,” he said to himself. “But even so, I could have somehow, I guess, have trusted that rogue Peter a little, if she had not stopped him.” His words were silent, but they looked at him as though they, at least sort of, guessed them. That is, at least four of the ten people around Freddie seemed to be intuitive about his feelings. Those four did not include Suzanne - nor even Peter, at all. But one of the four, whom Freddie had found that in, said: “Wow, it seems like the guy is peculiar about himself as the victim of the circumstance again!” Then, Freddie got the point that neither he, nor probably the others had any good notion about his points of view. But they all bore a facade of caring about him, it seemed to him now, that said that they would care enough not to make that kind of a mistake. “It's all fake! They're all fake!” he thought for himself.
Suzanne now began to speak and said that “Even though it's evil of Freddie not to ever seem to care about the humility in us others, we still can care about him in the sense that we care about the sense there is in seeming innocent when we are into not being it! That way we all can seem innocent when we are!” she boasted. And even though Fred naturally saw through her, it really seemed innocent of her to have that point of view.
It seemed evil for Freddie that they boasted about their morals, about all of them did. They seemed innocent on the surface, but guilty as the devil's superiors in being evil underneath.
For the sake of relief from her immediate insinuations that she was superb as the devil himself, Freddie said to himself: “It is not even worth it to try to understand this woman! She's just all wretched, just all evil, just all bad!”
Another, younger, Suzanne looked at her, and then him, and then at her again. Then she asked: “How about you and I try to go out to dine together?”
“Who do you mean?” Freddie, and then also the older Suzanne asked her.
“I meant either one of you! Perhaps we could even go to dinner all three of us!” she answered.
“No, I don't think so!” the older Suzanne said proudly. “I want ot be where my friends are, not where this sort of a semi-brute is!”
“Okay!” the younger Suzanne said. “But how come you and your family always claim to be so truthful that we shouldn't ever be able to seem blackmailed by what you say about me, or the others among my acquaintances? Because I, for one, feel blackmailed by that you seem to all the them say to people that it is 'the other Suzanne' who is pretending to be innocent!”
Freddie looked at them and then established for himself that they didn't like one another enough to really be into blackmailing him as intensely as he thought they had. This was to some alleviation for him. But he had the notion that they still much prided themselves about bullying him, and then seeming too innocent to ever have done it. For the sake of ridding - or at least alleviating - himself of this notion, he asked out loud: “What do they think they can find in pretending am everyone's not-to-be-trusted type of fellow, when they can't even find in themselves not to handle me as the worst type of guy there is, apart from when they really see it in each other what the other person's bad sides are?!”
The younger Suzanne looked at him. “I have never said you were a really bad - or not-to-be-trusted - type of person! Even so, I feel right now that you are bad enough not to trust me even though I was going to ask you for a date! Now, how come you seem to be so innocent when all you do is complain about us other people?!”
“It is not I who should not complain,” he replied. “On the contrary I feel very much that even you go behind my back and that even though we could have dated you would just have used that date as an excuse for further blackmail further along!”
She looked at him and replied: “How about you and I go out on a date even so, Fred?”
He looked at her. “I guess I get that kind of notion about you that you're not too innocent to hang around with! So I feel I cannot feel for you what I have to feel that a trust worthy woman should be! Even if we two can get along, there on that date, I believe we cannot find in each other to be a person to trust, respectively, apart from if we really get along so that we never tend to hide anything from each other, which I find impossible - from looking at you!”
The older Suzanne looked at the younger Suzanne. “I feel you and I should go out on a date without Freddie! Then you and I can get along and he will have to blame himself for that!” With that the two of them greeted each other to a successful series of possibilities that could and probably would, sooner or later, lead to freer belief in themselves as good people, and Fred as the real evil guy. ...