Matters of Trust

Sitting in the rather cheap salad bar in the neighbourhood, I happen to overhear two people talking from the next table. They are one young man and one young woman. I can fairly easily look right at them, and have noted them both to be fairly good-looking. Thereby I feel a bit surprised by their attitudes:

“It's true!” the young woman said. “Almost every other guy I've met has been thorough about checking me out as though I was an imbecile!”

The guy looked at her. “Me too,” he said after a while. “But also feel the young women in this neighbourhood seem to laugh at that I am naive enough - or something - to find it in me to be a guy who would have cared to care about morals and stuff.”

“Then what do you mean that I am not the only one that you could imagine hanging out with among the girls around here?!”

“I mean that I simply imagine them to be for real about morals and stuff.”

“What do you mean you simply imagine that!? I mean couldn't they be what you should realize that you aught to avoid them?! They could be even meaner in the long run if you don't! That's what I feel!” she burst out.

He sighed. “No! I hate to imagine everybody to simply be faking that they are into morals just for the sake of pretending they aren't for real about finding it in themselves to care for immorality and so!”

She seemed disturbed by this. After a while she looked deeply into his eyes and said: “You don't know what they can do to someone who is naive with them!”

He stared at her for a while. “I imagine they can't take it for granted that they are good enough people to be into trying to be good all the time! But I cannot say to myself that they are completely evil, unless they are clearly into pretending to be simply about ways of being clear minded about having lust for evils that one cannot say to oneself that anyone has a right to do.”

“Do you mean that they seem to be good just because they don't pretend all the time to be satanists or something?!”

“Yeah! That's sort of what I mean!” he said rather solemnly. “But I do mean to say that I also am into believing that they are satanists even without there being any proof for that!”

The girl looked a little bit uneasy about this. “I feel they are into sort of being into satan! I feel they are into him in the sense that they are into evil in the first place! It is evil to pretend as though they are rather good people when one knows that they don't care for either men nor other women in any sort of real sense!”

“I can't suppose they don't really care for one another,” he said, with an attempted air of apprehension. After a short silence he added: “Also, I don't think I'm into pretending they're as evil as the men they hang out with!”

The girl looked at him as if she had just seen a ghost. At first she said nothing. Then she slowly began to say that she was into something that she didn't realize they seemed to be too innocent to do to her.

But he looked as if there was nothing real about what she was telling him.

Then she continued by saying that they actually pretended to be for real about men around here. But instead they actually harassed other women, as long as they weren't part of “the type of attitude,” she said “that seemed to lure about them - or at least I find them to be full of that real evil attitude!”

“I feel that they are not into men and thereby they are evil enough not to try to realize what is evil and what isn't! It is not up to me to decide, of course, what is and what isn't - I don't mean that! But still i can find it in me that as a man I can find it in me to know something about when things start to really be evil, and then I have to care about it, unless I'm a bad man. But with you and other girls and women around here, it is as if they never had any man around them, except for in a sense their family and perhaps one or two others. Thereby I feel they are not imbecile but evil but not in the sense that you put it when you say they're into the devil - even sort of!”

As I listen to this I start to realize that it's not imbecile to realize one is bad, but that it's also not imbecile to realize it too little to take for granted that one must be punished - unless God somehow fixes one a punishment just the same! As I keep on thinking about this, I find the two people before me to be rather imbecile, the two of them, apart from the fact that they are both into God in the not so imbecile sense that they are mature enough to care about what He has to say about morals.

While I ponder upon this, I find that the two people before me rise and leave. They are not talking any more about good and evil, nor rights and wrongs. Instead they are talking about going home to her place or his, and they somehow seem too trustworthy to be viewed as the kinds of people that God punishes for their attitudes about seeing more of each other.

Scornful Attitudes for a Newcomer

This story is not really for adults only! ... : Scornful Attitudes for a Newcomer

In the Mists of the Dissatisfaction of an Honest Man

They stood there, crying, those two girls, about whom Donald knew for certain that they at least one of them must have stolen his wallet. Even so they looked very innocent, although there was absolutely no way that they could actually be it! In amazement Donald stared at them for a while.

Then one of them said: “I was trying to find out if it was he who had stolen my ticket for the train.” then she gave a fairly detailed description of the train ticket he had himself bought earlier that day.

A boy who was with the girls stood up and said to him: “You better give that ticket back to her! Because it's no way to treat an innocent girl like that to fake that its she who stole from you rather than the other way around!”

Even the boy looked astonishingly innocent to Donald, although he wasn't exactly the crying type - on the surface, even. Instead, he looked a bit threateningly at him now. At first Donald was frightened so that he felt he couldn't decide on what to say. But after a short while he did speak his mind, and said: “I don't recall that she ever had a reason to think I ever stole from her! I believe that they are just faking it! And so are you perhaps!?”

He looked at the three of them. All of them seemed to be from somewhere near Mediterranean sea, or so, he thought, and looked glanced quickly at each of them again. Then he felt that the three of them were related, and probably even siblings.

In the pub where they confronted each other, there were fairly many people around the four of them. A lady who seemed to have been listening since about two minutes back said: “I don't believe you can have the guts to say to the girls there that they are trying to steal from you! Instead, you just stand here and say to everyone else that they have been stealing from you!” This comment surprised Donald a bit, because the lady who had spoken seemed unrelated to the other three. But he found her to be perhaps in league with them - and possibly even related to them, even though it didn't show.

A bartender arrived and looked at them all. He had an air of sophistication about his ways, which Donald wondered if it had to do with that he worked with other things as well.

“What should they all think you are?” the bartender asked him. “It seems to me, as well, that you are an asshole in having stolen from these young and innocent girls.”

Donald felt happy that he hadn't drunk more than one glass of whine that evening. Because, he figured, they could perhaps even have had him himself believe their fairly outrageous lies, if he had! At the same time, though, he felt frightened about not being able to show that he was not the one who was guilty at all of stealing anything form anyone this evening. There wasn't even a clue in him about how the could have stolen even a train ticket.

“Unlike those youngsters, and perhaps that young woman too, I can't trick people into believing me! But I can say I'm innocent because I'm not very capable of stealing! I wouldn't be the one to be able to steal that ticket - and perhaps I can even prove, later on that it was I who bought such a ticket earlier today!”

The waiter looked at him for a while. He seemed to be into scrutinizing him to the extent he could possibly be a liar. Then he answered: “I can't know to which extent you're imbecile enough not to be able to steal anything! But this time it's you who owe her a ticket, not the other way around!”

Donald stood still for a while, a bit baffled by it all. Then he checked his pockets, and found that he didn't even find his car keys. Nor could he find his mobile phone, which didn't surprise him, disturbed him even more about that the girls - and whoever else could be in on it - seemed very guilty to the extent they didn't admit that he was the one that someone had stolen from.

For that reason he said to the waiter: “Even though they look innocent, I still don't have my care keys, even. Can you understand that it's probably she who stole them.” He pointed at one of the girls. “If not, then it's probably her sister, but I wouldn't know who very easily!”

The waiter examined him again. But this time he chose to believe him. “Okay,” he said, “I'll call the cops and tell them a young man has probably been pick-pocketed by some youngsters who act innocent, but who do steal cars, even, as it seems.”

Relieved, Donald thanked the man, who said that it was nothing to thank him for; he just did his duty, and that now that he believed him he should get the help they, the police, can give him.

When the police arrived the waiter and Donald and a few others who had been there described the three youngsters. Even the woman who had taken their part initially described them fairly thoroughly and called them rascals, of whom she had thought better but now realized even they could be totally guilty although looking innocent.

Donald gave a description of the three as dark-haired, fairly dark-skinned but not too obviously southern. He said they somehow matched his idea about how robbers who might kill during their robberies might look. At the same time, though, he said, they seemed to him to pretend to be innocent so thoroughly that for seeming it they might have to alienate themselves from all that they're doing.

Two weeks later, the police had caught two guys and two girls who seemed to match those criteria and a few others of those who had given evidence or so about them. The two girls and one of the boys did seem to Donald to be those who seemingly stole both his wallet and his car keys. The forth boy was, the police said, an accomplice who wasn't at the scene of that crime, but whom they had caught red-handed, while robbing someone else.

Bad Neighborhood

“I don't feel comfortable about it!” Sonya said. “I mean all the suggestive porn we have around here!”

Her two brothers looked at her. The younger one, Richard, answered: “I sort of don't like it either, actually. I mean i really fancied it to begin with. But nowadays I feel rather fed up with it.”

“Me too,” the eldest one said and cleared his throat. “I actually feel that their into so pointless sex that it's rather boring in the long run.”

“I feel, that we've actually been tricked by them, you and I,” Richard answered him, “into fancying it to the degree that neither one of us can fancy sex without that edge to it anymore. Or at least I feel that way about it!” he exclaimed.

“Yeah, me too” his brother said.

Sonya looked at them. “I feel they are trying to harass me into feeling that way. I mean into feeling that I have to fancy that stuff for real! What has happened to you guys upon that you fell into their trap?!”

Her two brothers were silent for a while, then the younger one spoke: “I guess we both felt embarrassed unless we fancied it to begin with. What happened to me after introducing myself to that type of fancy is mostly that I began feeling blunt and so. As for Patrick, I guess he feels the same, but off course you better speak for yourself old bro!”

Patrick said nothing at first. Then he began slowly telling them that he felt more than just blunt about it. He said he felt both and humiliation he couldn't quite describe, he said.

“Really!?” his siblings said.

He sighed. “Yeah, really that bad. But in a sense I felt I had to enjoy for a fairly long time, you know when we were new here and only I was a teenager. Now that the two of you are fourteen, I guess I should tell you again about how they seemed to be so clever at seducing me and then simply left me for the fool who paid them for actually leaving me with my shame and my guilt!”

“I feel it's silly to say that they didn't seduce you old bro,” Richard said. But Sonya broke in and said:”I feel that you shouldn't have fancied them in the first place. Even though they - and who are they, actually - seems to have pressured you into believing in them, I feel that those whores are nothing that they want to seem to be about, and that they're nothing of value to anyone with the right fancy of things!”

Patrick stared downwards, his gaze sort emptying out, it seemed with the notions he had of - was it of himself - or was it of something else? ... “I know!” he said at last.

Sonya looked at him with pity. “Oh, Patrick, I'm sorry if I just insulted you for what you already are into hating yourself for! I can't suppose it's not easy for you! ... Even I could have, I guess, fallen for at least one or two of those gigolos who are also out there!”

“I feel,” Patrick said finally, “that you and he, Sonya, don't seem to care for the notions of the attitudes that I have warned you for. I feel that there's no reason for us to pay attention to those gigolos nor whores any more.”

Sonya and Patrick looked at him. Then Patrick glanced at Sonya and then looked back. “I guess there's not any big deal about simply having it they're idiots apart from the seductive capacity they all have! How about we all, including our parents perhaps, start seeing that in them. I mean in a different sense than to religiously or something try to pretend as though we were sort chosen to be better!”

“Yeah! I think we should!” Sonya burst out. Richard, too seemed to agree. “Yes let's to that!” he said. But then after a short break he added: “I feel that we both, I and you, Sonya, are wise now in the sense that we probably can't be caught in the trap of the prostitutes or the other pornographers. But I feel also that we are not, probably, wise enough to be able to handle any embarrassment or harassment they might do to us! I mean somewhere dons the line, it seems, some of them are gonna start having it we are stuck up unless we try to fake that we're into the same kinds of thinking as they are! Right? ... Sonya? ... Patrick?”

His two siblings looked at one another. Sonya began saying that she wasn't sure about what he meant when her older brother broke in and answered: “I feel that they are not gonna harass us since we all now know what they're into!”

Sonya shrugged. “No, I guess not, then!” she said.

Richard looked at the two of them. “I feel there's no embarrassment, actually, anymore, to the extent that I can see it in them to be nothing but the frauds they are. But how about you, though, old bro? you have seemed to be into thinking about them as though they supposedly could have been wise if they only were out of that lifestyle. In a sense I think that will be a trap for him!” he added, looking at his sister, who took notice and seemed rather thoughtful for a while, during which she began saying that she wanted them both to feel safe about themselves. “Because it seems,” she said, “that they all are going to find us to be naively innocent or so, and by that notion insinuate that we should be into sex of their awful kind!”

Her brothers both looked rather thoughtful at this. After a while they both said that they agreed. Patrick added that they “might not have to be into caring about it, their bullying, I mean. But we might all need to become more proud and confident in, not only ourselves, but also in truth, decency and so.”

“I meant that!” Sonya replied.

“Okay. But it seems I and not you was able to say it, then, sis!”

“Anyway,” he added, “I expect to be going to college fairly soon. Because, after all, since we moved here, they - I mean our parents - have been saving money for it. I'm not sure if you know it actually, but hey really did say that they were gonna move with us to a cheap neighbourhood because they wanted to make sure the money they saved for my college education, and yours too, would be enough!”

Sonya looked thoughtful and replied: “I guess they can have said that sort of a thing!” Richard agreed, but looked thoughtful and added:

“But then what shall we expect of ourselves once we're there?! Do they expect us to be able to cope with higher-class class mates who seem to have it we are into actually being beneath them?”

“I don't know what they feel we should say to ourselves about that. But perhaps we aught to just leave it be until we're there, apart from simply sticking together about not becoming bad just because we live in a bad neighbourhood!”

His two younger siblings seemed to agree.''

“Then why don't we all,” Patrick added, “fancy ourselves as seemingly that wise and smart, so that our rotten neighbourhood doesn't get at us very much?!”

“Obviously we shall!” his younger siblings answered.

An Essence of Understanding One's Friends

“Today I'm going to see Josephine!” Phil said. “She and I are going to find out about why our friends don't seem to like to be expected to care about the notions of pleasure to be much else than sexual insinuations or insinuations about their supremacy compared either to those who are - sexual - or those who aren't.”

His friends looked at him with an air of not believing him to be in his right mind. “Why then,” one of them said, “do you feel that we are your friends at all!? I mean wouldn't you - and I guess she also - have been better off never talking to us, then, even? That is, I don't mind that you do that, it's just the insinuation you just made, about us not being worthy of your trust and company, that troubles me!”

“Jeff!” Phil answered. “I don't feel like being into explaining myself for the sake of the claims that you might believe me to have about seeing myself as the friend that you guys want to talk to!”

“Then what do you want?!” A woman friend named Wendy burst out.

Phil said he didn't want to answer to that one either, since he got harassed by people if he said they were to be viewed as good enough people to claim to have any reason for liking. Jeff and Wendy both looked a bit uneasy upon hearing it, and so did his formerly very good friend Andrew. The two others who were there - Carl and Jenny - seemed rather indifferent, though.

“Look,” Andrew said, “as we go a long time back, in our friendship, there really seems to be some mistake in that you take me, also as this kind of a fellow! I mean - cause you mean me as well, don't you? - that we don't have to have the confidence in each other to always pretend the best about the other fellow, but at least we could have the courtesy with each other to tell the other fellow about it first, instead of ruling out the possibilities of responsible and just care for one another just the same!”

“Don't say to me that you don't feel like telling me at times that I am a none-worthy kind of fellow! don't pretend for me that you didn't scold me the other day just to pretend for the others that I was an asshole and a looser whom you didn't want to get into contact with in the first place. Don't even tell me that you're not the looser you say I should be with as if there was a winning streak with him of some kind!”

With that Phil left his five former friends and went to a theater to meet with Josephine. When there he saw her standing there and waiting. He said hello, and she greeted him back. After that they went into the cinema and watched a movie about a family that got lost in a wilderness and managed to survive for some years; but eventually they all died.

After it, the tow of them went to a restaurant where each of them ordered a dinner. While there they began speaking about that issue Phil had earlier discussed with his former friends.

“I guess they're about,” Josephine said, “the notion of themselves as supreme because they are contently and superficially smart at seeing one another as the real good friends they aren't and then also to see you as the friend who disappoints them just because he isn't into very much of such a facade.”

“Yeah! That's what I've been figuring, too!” Phil said.

“Thereby I feel that you and I should start a friendship to be for real about good friends and not about sexuality - nor, actually, about that seeming hatred for it, either, though!”

“I hoped you would tell me something like this! Thank you for being a friend of a more real kind than them! ... But now, I'm afraid I need to discuss another issue about them: I can see in them that they are immoral compared to you or me - for example. But, somehow, I cannot find in them to obnoxious, usually, like neither you nor me! I don't mean the kind of obnoxious that they settle their business of seeming good with. What I mean is the kind that destroys one's assumptions about the friends one has as good enough people!”

“I hope you mean, then, that I and you are not troubled, actually, by each other's attitude problems! Because if not, then this pessimism, if I may say so, of yours is not good enough attitude for me to be trusting. I feel rather embarrassed if you feel that way about us! I mean, if you feel that we are more or less bound to be quarreling with each other, even though we both feel the same about the superficiality of such folks as they!”

“I can then not respond by anything but a response to why I said that. That is, I feel that we are into being responsible in the sense that doesn't pay off, seemingly, about caring about people's attitude problems and so.”

“I know. But thereby, wouldn't it pay off to just ignore them for the time that we spend together?”

“I guess. ... But I simply felt that I needed to talk about them this much, though.”

“I feel that we then can pretend as if something about ourselves as the immature people we are in that sense! I mean we can go to my place or yours, and there we can have the fun that they seem to have - or couldn't we?!”

“Yeah, I guess you and I could do that!”

The Dilemma of Society's Sense of Superiority

Leila and Carl sat and listened to their hippie-and-tomboy sister Jenny's statements about how some men seem ignorant of the fact that they seem silly when they try to be mean, or so to speak, for the sake of seeming benevolently sexual.

“For the sake of harmony,” Jenny said, “they try to fake that they are thrilling as long as they're into sexual pleasure or something! It's even when they are into not pretending as if something about sex as what they want!”

Carl looked at her. “Do you find Cat Stevens to be into that, of sorts?” he asked.

Jenny thought for a while. “Yes!” she said at last. “But with him it's into that there is a musical talent, so that he hardly makes that kind of a fool of himself.”

Leila and Carl looked at each other, then at their sister. “How come,” Leila asked, “do you feel he should be into anything but feeling good about himself as a person who needs not be responsible for having it coolness is of such an importance?!”

Jenny looked stubbornly back. “It's because even he doesn't seem to feel that he's into obnoxious enough attitude to actually be like a man!”

The two siblings she had been talking to both sighed at this, after which there was a pause before Jenny added: “I feel that horny men should be cool enough to feel comfortable with being immature enough to have it I and they are to be feeling great about ourselves in any context where they have it in me to hang around with them.” She mused for a while. “Then I also feel they should be horny enough to tell me to find them attractive, and then also to screw me, so that I feel they are the kinds of boys that really pertain to all masculinity there aught to be to a man!”

“Oh, wow!” her sister said with a slight edge of irony to her tone of voice.

Jenny looked indignantly at her.

“How come,” Carl asked, “don't you feel that you could be feminine, then?”

Now Jenny looked even more indignant. “Don't harass me again about that! I know you feel I should be more feminine! But I know that men in general don't ask me for it! Thereby I will be into men in general and not into the likes of you! I despise you for asking me to be of any other nature than the one I have! And for the men who are into masculinity as much as I will have them continue being, they are smart enough to see in me, most of them, that I am a woman of competence, in that I can be their companion for a night or two! After that they will see in me that I am a companion for most men, and that will stay with my ways of assisting them in their lives, about their needs, respectively, for a woman who can relate to them all!”

“Then how come you feel like a woman when you're actually behaving like a man right now?” her sister broke in.

Jenny looked scornfully at her. “I am not into being a man's woman for the sake of being feminine! I'm into it for the sake of being mature, and maturity is what you both lack! But for that maturity I will have a competence to feel good about myself and forever feel I am free and cool enough to be of good enough attitude to be seen as the woman who should be cool enough to be treated well!”

Leila looked at her. “I don't feel okay with you being into male behavior as though it was the solution for everything!”

“Me neither!” their brother commented.

Jenny snorted smugly at it. “Today I'm going to meet another three fellows or so! And we're all gonna have a great time in the neighbourhood! I am not going to fall for your nonsense about femininity being the virtue for us all! I am not going to be humiliated into being that woman who feels inept to appreciate the male attitude as the essence of our being! It's I who can satisfy them with my severe attitudes about why I should be seen as the best to hang around with! You - and you too, you both seem to fit into the norms of society, while I feel that freedom is about seeing the corniness of you all as a delusion of the past generations, who said to us all that we aught to adapt to their ability to view themselves as the supreme beings who aught to be seen as superior just because I am a little bit into caring to be cool and so!”

“I can,” her sister said, “have it they don't have a point. But I don't feel that it would be correct to say it!”

“Then how come you don't feel up to caring about me when I feel like a smart girl at feeling that I'm up to men and their needs so much that they all assist me in having them seem good enough for our society to bargain from them?”

“Because I don't feel that way about neither you or them! That's why!”

“Then how do you feel about us?!”

“I feel that both you and they should be staying away from the behaviors that disturb real people's lives and disturb our society from being real about what there actually is in life to be caring about!”

“Then how come both you and I don't feel like being, even now, enthusiastic enough for the school grades they want us to have, and so!?”

“Oh! I feel up to the grades! I just can't manage to pull them all of! I feel they are into treating me a bit like the woman who shouldn't be into smartness as an asset of exactly my family. Therefore I can't find a way to actually pull the real good grades of!”

Carl looked at her and said: “I feel the grades are not for us to be thinking of! You know, I have a job by now, and I feel you, Leila - and even you actually - should be into working for the sake of money and so that we can manage our family now that daddy has taken an overdose!”

“Then how come,” Leila asked, “ do you feel up to society as a fair pressure on the likes of us, when it seems to be only you who can even get the personal interest to match their concerns?!”

“I just feel that society is there for us and that we can manage as long as we're on their side, and not like our father, against it!”

Short Stories på Svenska

http://frevelmthestorybook.blogspot.com/p/vet-du-vad-re-e-bade-du-ajag-som-har.html

http://frevelmadult.blogspot.com/p/fias-lusiatag.html

http://frevelmthestorybook.blogspot.com/p/sa-du-menar-alltsa-attkristen-mognad.html