Thursday, April 20, 2017

Actual Appreciation ...

She looked at him. Scornfully she saw that he didn't seem to fall for the charm she had intended for him. But the scorn was intended for herself as well as for him; therefore she didn't feel guilty at all for feeling it. But to her surprise, he seemed to mind.

He looked at her spitted resolutely. The spit landed on the ground on front of his feet, and was intended to land there. She felt this proved that he wasn't too obnoxious to be viewed as provocative only; i.e. he probably wouldn't try to be dangerous to her if she didn't do anything to him. But she felt like not talking to him. Because he still did seem to obnoxious to be looking at as a friend - or even a potential one, because he didn't seem to mind that the spit had landed right in front of him as if it was intended to insult her about not being smart enough at charming him.

He, on his part, was feeling that she had been insulting him in the first place, not that he'd been looking for a charming or whatever or so person in her. It seemed obnoxious for him that she had seemed scornful against that she seemed lousy at caring for his care to seem safe enough to assume as moral enough for being into not caring very much if she charmed him or not. It seemed even worse for him that she didn't seem to feel even one bit guilty about it.

But she felt that he had no right to have that opinion about her. She was a girl who was supposed to be charming and cute so that those who appreciated that in a woman would be able to see that in her. Therefore she laughed scornfully once more, and saw in him a pending guy who didn't care to fancy her being as worth his appreciation as scores of others could. She thereby felt free from guilt and free from remorse about it. She felt that she had all the appreciation she needed and that he was just a more or less sillily frank and fairly weird guy. Thereby she appreciated her own inconsistency about her notions of coherency as though they were of honest and good moral. But he noticed this and developed a slow growing hatred for her ways about it.

Even though he had run into some other girls who had behave similarly, he didn't feel broken enough to ever give up on the notion of honesty being something else than what these kinds of girls could appreciate it as. It seemed to him that she sorted out moral as if it was her own, from the different types of facts and notions about life that she had to care about on her way into adulthood. She seemed to him to be appreciative of the notion of truth as something to be bargained for, not as something to view as real notion of what is real. The fact that she and a few other young women seemed totally sure of themselves about being seemingly moral forever for being that kind of fake seemed scary for him. He even felt shattered when she looked at him that way, looking as if she felt totally innocent after first scorning not only him, but also truth and what truth is about.

He thereby watched her and her friends as they left with an awe about the way they appreciated themselves. She, meanwhile, felt that she had just left behind a fellow who was unusually corny and unappreciative of the sense she had of herself as good enough for anyone to appreciate - not excluding the boys or men she might want to be appreciated by. She thereby felt she needed to talk to one her close friends about how to deal with this fellow.

The two of them talked later that night and decided to seem to be subjects of his scorn for no reason. This, she felt though, was not enough. They need to, she told her friend, seem to be appreciative of even his notion of how he views himself. They should have to, she felt, seemingly be into caring also for those who were to be viewed as outsiders - at least from their own point of view. Thereby, people would appreciate the two of them as both cute and as caring as they are cute!

“I guess we can take that kind of stands,” her friend agreed. “But I think we should also show them that he is absolutely not an interesting guy for us! Because we should not seem to be into those men who fancy us young girls to be what they should be dealing with. Instead, they should view us as better than that they could ever reach us - nor actually scorn us, for that matter!”

“Okay! ... To start with, then we could say to our parents that we've run into a guy who was superficial enough not to admit that what we are is what he shouldn't be minding as if there was any reason for him to care to tell us what we are to be seen as. Because there seems to be a notion in him of actually having it he is the one to be a fellow to appreciate.”

So they did.

Four months later, the two girls were at a disco and one of them spotted what seemed to be that same fellow. They noticed that the son of a friend of their parents was with him. This made them curious.

Thereby they felt like watching them now and again for the rest of the evening. Doing so they got he impression of that the guy who was a friend of their families was attempting to reveal the fellow as immature, and thereby shouldn't be there. This they found to be worthwhile, as they also could appreciate the notion of this guy being the same as the one they had complained to their parents about. But then, to their disappointment, they observed him say something to their friend-of-the-family guy, who, seemingly a bit unsure of himself, withdrew for a while.

When he came back, he said something back to the other one, which seemed to make him feel both indignant and insulted. But he reacted by insulting him back, it seemed, and soon the two of them were very hostile towards each other. After a few minutes of quarreling the two of them decided, it seemed, to continue it somewhere else. The two girls saw them leave the disco, each of them, seemingly, bringing a friend with him.

They decided to follow the four of them by stealth, which they did, and that lead them to a park, where a fight broke out between the two whom they had been observing. It went on for perhaps four minutes before the guy who's parents knew their parents was injured severely enough to no longer stand a chance. When that happened the two fellows who had followed along as friends discussed something for a while.

After a few minutes the two of them decided, or so it seemed, that the guy whom the girls had been troubled by had won. They thereby both pointed at him with respect and then the three of them left the girls' parents' friends' son bleeding and despised. This the two girls found to be scary.

They waited for about five minutes, then they also left, and began walking towards the house of one of them. On their way there, the other one said: “Wow, he didn't seem able even to reach his phone and call the cops or something! I wonder if we should be telling your parents about how we could have but didn't dare to be helping him - or else what else we should say!”

“Me too! I wonder what we are to be about now as we don't have a notion of what is going to happen to that fellow who after all helped us make that insultive guy seem like a bad person!” She shivered. “Wonders how he will survive, and if we've actually killed him by not staying there and saving his life!”

“I think we've better see to it that our parents get there as quick as possible!” Neither she nor her friend reflected much over calling an ambulance, because the two of them knew that the four guys had been into something that was sort of tradition not to tell the authorities about!

When they had finished their walk, they entered the house of the one of them who had felt insulted in the first place, As they spoke to their parents, they could not express what they found themselves to seem to appreciate about the guys who had been escorts and judges of the two fighters. They somehow felt that they needed to express that, but that they couldn't, because it was a secret notion of - so to speak - what went wrong in a man, that the two of them were about. Instead, the conversation emerged in describing the situation that the two of them had been stuck there, and couldn't help the fellow, which was partly because of their appreciation of those who had - by fair notions of what is correct for such a fight - deemed the guy they could have helped as a fellow to be left behind. Thereby, the two of them eventually decided to never speak again to anyone about how to resurrect a man who has lost a fight!

Two months later, the two parents (of one of them) whom they had talked to said to them that they are to be sweet and good for the sake of not seeming to be involved in that the two guys fought, nor that they had been insulting each other. Instead of explaining for them why this was important, they told the girls not to even think about what had happened. And in case either of them ever just happened to think about it anyway, she should say to herself that it was just imagination!

Their daughter looked at them and asked: “What shall I say to those who want to know why we had it in us to seem satisfied by that we had been defended by a friend of the family?”

Her father looked at her. “Is there anything they could happen to say to you that wouldn't be seen as that they make something of a notion that is just a fantasy?!”

She looked thoughtful for a while. “I guess not,” she answered, “but I can't be quite sure about that.

Now her mother was the one to ask: “I guess you can't have it they don't feel like being better at understanding how to be - even potential - friends - of you or anyone else around here, that that they might just continue feeling that it's real, even when you say it isn't?!”

“No, I guess they shouldn't be too stubborn for me to handle in a way that doesn't make me think about that stuff as a reality!” she said, and then hid that notion deeply inside of her.

Her mother looked at her and inquired: “Are you sure you never will be too unreliable to stay away from ever seeming to be into anything of what they could view as a real kind of vanity?”

“No, I'm not totally sure about that, mama!”

“Then I'll have to keep you away from those people who might find out from you otherwise!”

“And who are they?”

“It's the people I've been talking to down in the village. They aren't kids like you, and I don't think there are any kids who will ever become that nosy!”

“So I have to stay away from adults from now on?! Mom, I'm thirteen, and I'm soon into feeling like an adult myself! So how can I avoid even seeing those people that I soon will pertain to?!”

“It's not the young adults that you shouldn't pertain to, just some of the older ones, and I'll tell you eventually exactly which of the older ones that will be!”

“Oh! Good! Then I think I can manage!”

“Good, then!” her mother said.

“Good!” her father also said.

“From now now on you will not seem to be inept for excuses of the kind that are called for by those who forge that they comprehend, the right way, what there is to a society and what we all should appreciate from one another! That is you should not be wrong for God to take as a defence for His absoluteness about Jesus and what He stands for about us and our Christian cares! From now on you will be good Christians, and pray every day before you go to bed! Otherwise those things of the past might come and haunt you!”

She looked at her father. “Okay, dad! I'll become a good Christian from now on!” she said and realized that she would have to stick to this decision for the rest of her life.

Her friend, who had been silent for a long time now asked: “How come there isn't any certainties about what there is in the afterlife, so that one can feel very sure that one isn't doing something that will turn out to be unfruitful?!”

“I suppose,” the father objected, “you don't care to have it that Christ i sour saviour and that it will be that way no matter what we think or might say about it!”

The mother looked at them and added: “You must see to it that you'll be forever loyal with Christ, and that He'll be there for you to give you the safety you need!”

The two girls looked at each other. “I want to see to it that Christ will be there for all of us,” the one who wasn't a daughter of the family answered. “But I also want to see Him as the savior whom we all can trust, and I thereby want to be sure that he will give us an afterlife that will be okay!”

“I can,” the mother answered, “see it in you, to be able to take it that Jesus isn't the one to be telling everybody, just the one to be caring for everyone! Remember it is Satan who can otherwise be the ne to also talk to you as though there was a safe assumption!” She looked at her daughters friend and seemed to be sure of herself.

The girl swallowed. “Okay. I guess I can go for it that way, then. So where do I begin trying to conceive myself as a subject of Christ rather than the type of girl who never would feel there was any safety in what isn't said!?”

The mother looked at her. “Don't pretend that you don't need to believe in order to stay with Jesus!”

The two girls looked at each other again. “Then how come I and your daughter don't have it in Jesus to say to God that we need to be saved in a way so that we really can appreciate ourselves as safely His?! It's we, isn't it, who will have to appreciate God, and what if he doesn't have to appreciate us back?!”

Both of her friend's parents looked a bit startled over this query. She saw this and continued: Thereby I'll be platonically smart at having Jesus there, and I'll have the notion of myself as one with Him and God forever, but I won't be safe enough against the devil unless there can be a sureness that he cannot reach me even by taking my life!”

“It will be your decision to understand God the way that you feel you should have to!” the father said. “From now on you will have to speak to your own parents about it! We have had enough of this now! It is in your family, not ours, that there's a need to sort out what God wants from you!” His wife seemed to agree with him.

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